ReporT

So in case you’re wondering, this is what the main stage at T in the Park looks like at 10.30am. We arrive at the site after a few wrong turns about 10.15, give our names, get our wrist bands and are pointed in the right direction. Minimal faff, which is always good, and it with the exception of a slightly muddy tramp to the gig, it isn’t really any different to any other guestlist place. Well, except for the fact I actually have to get on a stage and sing.

Healthy T tent. Not pictured: choir

We’re on early, in the Healthy T tent, so after a wander around the strangely quiet site, we find the Healthy T area and the rest of the Arches Community Choir for bit of a lyrical cram session and a mildly embarrassing vocal warm up in the middle of the area in front of a few bemused people.  And by the time we’ve done that, it’s time to go on stage, and so there isn’t really any time to think about what we’re doing, and more importantly, no time to freak out about it.

That the Healthy T tent is actually a rather lovely comfy place to sit works in our favour, and we sing to a decent crowd, even though it’s only 11.45, and plenty more people are standing outside. Our set goes well, the Miss Dynamite cover (I’m not joking – yes, it’s Dy-Na-Mi-Te) raises laughs in the right places, and the audience seems to enjoy it. We even have a drunken ned shouting stuff, dancing and air humping at the back during the last song, which is as good a T in the Park accolade as you could hope for, really.

Obligatory cheesy wristband photo

So the rest of the afternoon (various factors led to this being a half-day trip) was spent trying to cram in as much as possible. The odd lunchtime slot is filled by Fun Lovin’ Criminals, and fluke timing means we get to the main stage just as they begin playing Scooby Snacks, complete with Fast mouthing along to the sampled Pulp Fiction dialogue. It’s now ancient and over-played, but the crowd loves it, as is the case with House of Pain: after an enjoyable enough but largely unrecognised set, they wear the albatross of Jump Around proudly, and the by now pretty wasted audience loses its dignity.

On the T Break stage, Kristina Myles is throwing herself into a bouncy set of what can only be described a decent funk-pop, while there is a lot to see on the BBC Introducing stage. Unfortunately, we missed the excellent Kid Canaveral but you can watch highlights of their set here.

Avoiding the main stage is crucial for most of the day, and despite our best efforts, snatches of Ke$ha and N-Dubz still find their way to our ears, but we head over to see the Manic Street Preachers. Their set is a list of crowd pleasers – Motorcycle Emptiness, If You Tolerate This, Faster, A Design for Life – and it’s executed with power and obvious passion, but on the tea-time crowd, it falls slightly flat.

A not-brilliant pic of Everything Everything

Undoubted highlight of the is Everything Everything. Scheduled shamefully early, they still pack the King Tut’s tent and are effortlessly brilliant. They open with Qwerty Finger, note-perfect and almost unbearably intense: at the breakdown about two-thirds of the way through, Jonathan Higgs’ voice defies belief as it soars over the high notes. The quality doesn’t dip either: Suffragette Suffragette finds a new power live, while My Kz, Yr Bf and Schoolin prompt singalongs, an improbable feat given the complexity and sheer volume of their lyrics. On record, they’re absorbing; in the flesh, utterly exhilarating. For proof, you can watch a good chunk of their set on the BBC.

 

So that was my T in the Park 2011. I missed all the headliners (and Friendly Fires, but did hear their first song on the way to the car park), wasn’t drunk, didn’t fall in the mud and left while I was still positively predisposed towards other human beings, so it probably bares little resemblance to anyone else’s experience of the weekend.

View from the big wheel, with looming storm cloud.